5.11.2012

.Day Off FAIL.

Remember me?--I feel like months have past since I've written anything on here. I blame the majority on our two week trip to Malaysia and the rest I blame jet lag. Jet lag is awful, just plain awful. This is the first time I have experienced it and it is something I would like to avoid in the future. Adam and I returned safely home this past Sunday after this crazy adventure:

1 hr drive to Malaysian airport + 8 hr flight to Dubai + 4 hr layover in Dubai + 14 hr flight to JFK + 1 hr drive to NJ + 8 hr drive to VA = I'd like to stay home for a while :)

Our trip was amazing and I plan on blogging about it soon, but not today..definitely not today.

Now to my day off I had yesterday..it was a major fail, all parts of it. I woke up early, thank you jet lag, and decided this would be my day to be creative-crafty-and decorate our house more. I took out my watercolor paints, brushes, and paper and began painting the leaf design that is on my curtains. My intent was to frame the watercolor paintings for our living room wall.

Welp, I forgot about something..I am not a painter. I did my absolute best teaching myself about watercolors as I went and my final result looked good but not great. They honestly looked like a very talented fifth grader painted them. I was a bit discouraged so I walked away from my paints for 2 whole hrs.

During that time I ate breakfast, cleaned the kitchen, and sat down to blog while watching a Netflix movie. About five minutes into me checking facebook/blogs/email, our internet at the house stopped working. This also meant Netflix stopped working and for those of you who don't know, Adam and I do not have cable. So..I was stuck without computer and tv.

I sat to write bills instead but simply did not feel like it, so I didn't. I then walked into our bedroom, which is a complete disaster from our trip, and got so overwhelmed with the amount of work to do in there I closed the door as I walked out.

I then searched through our basement looking at my decorative vases and accessories and brought a few things up. I placed different things in the living room and dining room but could not find the right spot for anything. After 30 minutes of trying to decorate with what I had, I put it all back in the basement.

This is about the time I sat back down to paint and spent another hr attempting my hand at watercolor. The end result was the same..my work was okay and while the colors matched beautifully, the actual art work stunk. In the trash it all went.

I then tried to lay down for a nap but could not rest my heart rate and my thoughts. I was feeling stress and anxiety but did not know why..well, maybe I did. We have so many projects on the house to do and it all costs money and even bigger than that, time. It all would require a lot of time from myself and especially Adam. These thoughts led me to feeling guilty for being in bed wasting time so I got up.

I went back to the basement and collected all of my frames. I emptied them out, took the backs off, and brought them outside. I laid down plastic wrap on the area of the backyard where grass does not grow and spread out the frames. I got my white spray paint and went to town! Light, thin, wispy--these were the words I continued to tell myself. You see, spray paint and I don't get along too well. I am impatient and spray painting takes time. I fought against my inner urge to keep my finger pressing on the nozzle until completely white and I did light and wispy.

An hr later I went outside to paint my second coat and found a complete disaster. The area I set up my little work station was on top/next to a ground covering of brown dirt. My initial thought was its better to have paint spray on that then our pretty green grass. Welp, I forgot about the wind and yesterday was pretty windy. Half of my frames then had lovlely brown dirt stuck to them. Awesome. I picked and cleaned until they were looking pretty good and prepared to spray the second coat. I am not completely sure what happened, either the existing stain/finish on the frames or the dirt caused a weird chemical reaction resulting in cracking and bubbling. They all looked awful. I knew I should have sanded the frames down first, then sprayed them with primer, then painted them but I did not want to do all of those steps.

I should have, the frames ended up in the trash with my watercolor paintings. I was discouraged and not about wasting time or money, but discouraged in my creative sense. I really felt the urge to improve my home and being crafty but I failed. All day long I failed and it sucked.

It left me in a terrible funk all day and even night. And here I am today remembering all of my failures but feeling a bit better. I paid the bills this morning and got some laundry done.

It's a start right? Do you ever have a day like this?

6 comments:

  1. Amen and amen, sister! These days are ALWAYS popping up. Just remember that you are NOT WHAT YOU DO! You ARE WHO YOU ARE! And there is "no condemnation in Christ." None. None about your failures in ANY area of your life. Not your finances...not your choices of when to rest or when to work...not your creativity. None. Remember that. Your only real "failure" would be to forget Christ's value or minimize that in any way. God bless you, sweet sister! May your today and tomorrow be saturated with joy!

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  2. I totally have days like that! It usually ends up making me laugh (crying gives me a headache) because the entire world is against me. And then I have a bit of ice cream. :) Glad to hear your day is going better today! :) Excited to see pictures of your trip! :)

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  3. Aw Katie. I'm sorry, I really am. Give yourself some time to relax and get rest. It's amazing what true rest can do for anxiety... BELIEVE ME! And yes, I have had days like this. I enjoy cooking very much, and I have cooked for 2 hours just for fun only to have a meal be a total flop. I've felt like I wasted money and time and just discouraged that my creativeness failed me that day. But... It's just one day and we are not always going to have good days for creativity. Those frustrating days just help us appreciate the creativity that much more in others, and the failures are just tools to help us learn how to do something better or different for the next time. Maybe they're not so much failures as little life lessons. Don't be hard on yourself about one day. And God will provide for the things you need to do, for all the projects you have, but it'll be just in time. Love you Katie. Have a good day. Take a walk down a different street and listen to the wind around you.... let it inspire and calm you. :)

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  4. Sorry Katie :( We all have those days, so be encourage that you're not alone! Love you sis! ;)

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  5. I definitely have days like that, especially with being in school. I work and work and work and don't like what I've come up with and then I run out of time and have to scrap it all. It can be really frustrating, I'm tempted to sulk but then I remember that my creativity/talent/skill/patience cannot grow without days like this where I'm dissatisfied and push myself to get through it!

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